In the last weeks leading up to my 28th birthday (God Willing), I've been pondering truths that I, up until recently, rejected. When I was a kid, I had highly ecstatic dreams of finding a prince charming, and settling down. For years, although I would never admit this to myself, I grouped up finding the perfect someone with graduating from college and soaring in my career. It meant my worth, and the difference between having a life on track, and having a life that some would come to pity. But this year, God has taken me through a journey where I'm forced to admit my true feelings, and recognize that my thinking did nothing but aid in not living a confident, assured life. This is not a post to whine my whys, whos, and hows. This is not a post to assure you that someday your prince will come (though, it's true). This is not a post that will 'teach' you to cope with your single life, though I sure hope you're inspired. This is a post that will hopefully encourage you to do one of the hardest, most exhilarating things you will ever do: To believe that what you need, you all ready have.
You are already full.
I first took in this concept whilst watching a Zoe Saldana interview*. She oozed so much confidence in the place that she's in that I couldn't help but long for the same thing. It hit me like a bolt...this is it. What I've been missing. It felt both wrong, and like power on my tongue: I'm right where I need to be. The next day, God sent Psalm 23: 1a (GNT): "The Lord is my shepherd; I have everything I need.", and I knew that the whole self aware, toiling journey of 27 was to arrive at this end. I am already full.
This subject does not have to be about your single life. It could be about the career that's taking longer than you would like, your prayers that seem unanswered, that one thing that you think would change your life...suddenly make you a brand new person. In my early twenties, I coped better. I had an unwavering hope that regardless of what the world thought, God would send my future husband. But the funny thing about time is, it can either age you elegantly, like wine or cheese, or it can settle as a green bitter taste in your mouth. In the presence of other couples, I've often felt...What's wrong with me? What's so great about them that they've been blessed, and I haven't? What can I learn from them? How can I change?
There will always be areas that we can grow...areas we can improve upon. But it seems that majority of these questions, at least for me, stem from deeper insecurities. Insecurities that whisper lies in your ear: No one would want you. Look at you, over 25 and still single. Do you really think a man will be good to you? Blah Blah Blah Blah. For you, the lies may be different: Do you really think you're worth anything? You'll never achieve this or that! You'll never be like her. One of the main problems with this world is that by its own rules, you will never be enough. You will always need to frantically search for the next thing that will carry you through this unspoken competition that everyone seems to play. The fight to show the world that you can have it all: the career, the body, the fashion sense, the handsome guy, 3.5 kids, and all before you're thirty.
But who set up these rules?
It seems to me an endless conveyor belt of never measuring up.
Real Truth: You are already full. You have everything you need right there. You are in the exact place you need to be, whether challenging or joyous. You have everything you need to soar. You're strong enough. Fast enough. Beautiful. God has given you everything you need to live your life abundantly right now. If you're single, at the moment, you don't need a man. A man won't fill whatever void you may be sensing inside. After all, a man has his own issues and battles as well. If you don't feel full, seek Jesus. He wants to make sure you never have to look to the right or the left for approval again. Embrace who you are. Move with God in regards to the things you want to improve on. Improvement is productive, and will always be wonderful. Just don't let the improvements rob your today. Don't continue to pine for this, or that, because one day you might wake up and find ten years have passed. Time that you're missing because of that one thing you don't have yet.
And when you realize that you're whole right here, right now...the very thing that you were so desperately searching for will be waiting right in front of you.
*This Interview has adult subject matter.